Things You Only Learn From College

1. Quarters are like gold.
2. Asleep by 2:30 am is an early night.
3. New additions to the food groups: Soda, Chips, Ice Cream, Donuts and Cookies
4. Make sure your alarm clock has back-up batteries.
5. Printers only break down when you desperately need them.
6. Showers become less important.
7. Sleep becomes more important.
8. Two meals a day are standard. One for some!
9. Recycling becomes synonymous with laundry (“Oh, my jeans can last at least another week…there’s only a *little* bit of mud on them.”)
10. You can never make too many meals in the microwave.
11. 10 minutes is more than enough time to get ready for your first class (not that this is anything really new).
12. It takes more than one person to carry your laundry, books or trash.
13. If the lecture hall is big enough, get someone else’s notes.
14. You begin to nap again (also not new).
15. Your bill in the bookstore will almost equal tuition.
16. Isn’t it amazing that the book your professor wrote is always required for his class?
17. E-mail becomes your second language.
18. Professors are like celebrities: you see them, but they never see you.
19. Road trip whenever possible.
20. Pick up all new lingo.
21. Bum rides, money, notes and snacks as much as you can get them.
22. Don’t burn bridges, especially if they are good students in class.
23. It was never this bad when you got sick.
24. Eat a vitamin and breakfast is covered.
25. Things that were a huge deal in high school don't seem as important now.
26. You never thought you would share so much about yourself with people you have known for such a short time.
27. Disney movies are more than just classics.
28. Phone calls almost never happen and when they do, you just don’t get the messages.
29. Cereal makes a meal any time of day.
30. People still cheat, it’s just more technologically advanced.
31. You get really good with excuses for skipping class.
32. Ordering food at 1 am is a common occurance.
33. You never realized how cool you can be.
34. TV becomes a bigger time sucker than ever before.
35. Keys have never been so important, yet you seem to lose them more than ever before.
36. You meet the type of people you only thought existed in the movies.
37. You learn to sleep with light, noise and extreme temperatures.
38. You don’t have to cover your textbooks anymore.
39. You become a juggler with the balance between school, friends, family and work.
40. You begin to realize that college is preparing you for the real world, it's not a fantasy anymore.
41. You get good at rationalizing on whether to do homework or not (usually not).
42. Procrastination becomes an art.
43. The only reason you ever dress up is when everything else is dirty.
44. Your parents start to tell you stories about their college days.
45. You stop caring what you wear. Sweats are perfect.
46. Classes: the later the better.
47. The cute guys/girls actually talk to you now.
48. You just don’t learn last names.
49. Your teachers just went from Mr. and Mrs. to Prof.
50. You find out that you can't use a calculator in your math class anymore.
51. Cleaning you room happens every semester, if you get around to it.
52. Boys will dance in college.
53. People who never really talked to you in high school are now some of your best friends.
54. You are never alone.
55. It’s amazing how late you can stay up doing absolutely nothing, yet falling asleep in class or in the library takes an average of two seconds.
56. You start spending an abnormal amount of time on Facebook.
57. You spend a ridiculous amount of time pondering the mystery of whether some of the classes you are in are actually worth taking.
58. Blogs are your most important reading material.
59. Join a sorority/fraternity and you understand so much more.
60. Your life will never be the same again!

How to Write a Term Paper

1. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a well lighted place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.
2. Read over the assignment carefully, to make certain you understand it.
3. Go grab a drink out of the fridge to help you concentrate.
4. When you get back to your room, sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well lighted place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.
5. Read over the assignment again to make absolutely certain you understand it.
6. You know, you haven''t written to any missionaries in a while. You''d better write that letter now and get it our of the way so you can concentrate.
7. Go look in the mirror and make sure you look okay to go out, just in case you end up doing something later.
8. Open up itunes to listen to some music while you write.
9. Go to the itunes store to see all the new albums
10. Go back to the bathroom to brush your teeth since you realized that you probably should after eating dinner.
11. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well lighted place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.
12. Read over the assignment again; roll the words across your tongue and enunciate each word.
13. Check the newspaper listings to make sure you aren''t missing something truly worthwhile on TV. NOTE: When you have a paper due in less than 12 hours, anything on TV from Hannah Montana to The Office, is truly worthwhile, with one exception: cartoons for babies
14. Catch the last hour of Dancing with the Stars.
15. Text a friend and see what they are up to
16. Get on facebook and look through your pictures to chose a new profile picture.
17. Sit down and do some serious thinking about your plans for the future.
18. Open your door and check to see if there are any mysterious people in the hallway
19. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well lighted place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.
20. Read over the assignment one more time, just for the heck of it.
21. Scoot your chair across the room to the window and watch the sunrise.
22. Lie face down on the floor and sigh.
23. Leap up and write the paper!

8 Ways to Survive College

8. There is no recess, just deal with it
7. Schedule classes around your Happy Hour
6. Boring Lecture? Start a wave!
5. College-level algebra: a pack of Ramen Noodles = one delicious meal
4. Clever margin manipulation can turn a 3 page outling into a 6 page essay
3. Football games were never meant to be observed from anywhere behind the second row
2. If an 8 am class is required for you major, change your major
1. Enjoy being a Freshman- It will be the best 4 years of your life!